MRFHL Wish List

2014-12-24

The following is a paid article, brought to you by the scouting staff of the Calgary Panthers...err...Florida Flames....err....Fuck...

What each team wants for Christmas this year:

Anaheim: A bad mechanic - Someone needs to keep the Jets grounded for the Ducks, considering they play each other a million times this year.

Arizona: Mary Poppins - After next years draft, sooo many kids will be running around. Add that to an already young team...

Boston: A Leash - Someone needs to keep Ric Flair under control when it comes to Twitter...

Buffalo: Red Bull - Something needs to keep Lochy up during trade conversations!

Calgary: A Map - Does Derek really know that the bar doesn't count as a Draft Table? In fact, does he even know what a draft is?

Carolina: Ric Flair - Bring him home, Cam!

Chicago: To Bribe the Simulator for Wins - Good players, good drafting, good trades, doesn't matter, sim hates them.

Colorado: A Calendar - Been four months and counting since we saw the GM grace us with his presence on the Portal.

Columbus: A Ladder - Vern Fiddler took the book title "Fiddler on the Roof" too seriously.

Dallas: To alert the Police about a Missing Person - Mark's been absent all year. I'll start taking bets on when he returns in the new year.

Detroit: A Passport - How many players on the Wings are playing Europe now?

Edmonton: A Goalie - Jeff Zatkoff is their starter. Nuff said.

Florida: A List of Labour Laws - You can't just go and poach another team's scouting staff, no matter how underutitilized, underpaid and underappreciated they are.

Los Angeles: An Identity - Has anyone even seen the GM of this team? Ever?

Minnesota: A Milkshake - Apparently it brings all the Boyes to the yard!

Montreal: Somebody to please take Stastny and Turris off his hands - He's been asking politley guys! Help a brother out!

Nashville: An Upside Down Standings Sheet - Then they're at the top of their division!

New Jersey: Some of whatever Steve Ott was drinking a few years ago - They could use another 100+ point season from him real bad right now.

NY Islanders: A Travel Agent - Players come, players go. Its a revolving door on the front of Nassau Coliseum.

NY Rangers: To give the Devils back Steve Ott's super juice - Ryan McDonaugh leading the league in points, WTF?

Ottawa: A 2nd Line Center - Because he already doesn't have Nicklas Backstrom, Bryan Little and Ryan O'Reilly...

Philadelphia: Every game to go to be a shootout - Just dress T.J. Oshie and you win!

Pittsburgh: Ikea Instructions - The parts are there, just cant figure out how to put it together!

San Jose: A Drain Plug - There's a talent seepage out of the Bay area...

St. Louis: Nothing - They have God playing for them in net, Superman and Thor on defence and the rest of the DC Universe up front. Also, coached by a man that has the brains of both Batman and Ironman.

Tampa Bay: A Collections Department - Michael Del Zotto needs to pay up for subpar play and getting paid handsomely.

Toronto: A rulebook - How has Chris Pronger been able to play in our league for so long???

Vancouver: A Time Machine - Remember when this team was a powerhouse?

Washington: A Top 6 Forward - Maybe Santa will be nice this year?

Winnipeg: A Megaphone - Making noise this year in the divison, but no one hears them.