Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
2025-03-22
One of the most discouraging things they teach you when you go to journalism school is to write what you know.
As a young, wide-eyed twenty-something, you look at journalism as the ticket into the world of all the things you don’t know, an expedition to explore the far reaches of culture, a free pass into the hottest events opening doors to rooms that only the most elite are invited to. The last thing you ever want to be told is to write what you know.
Yuck, boring.
What the naive star-sniffing hopeful doesn’t realize is that ‘sure, you can get into all these places and meet all these people’ but you still have to find a way to relay it to those who weren’t there — you know, that actual job you're sent to do. Imagine explaining fire to someone who’s never seen it, the taste of water to someone who’s never drank it, or how the Maple Leafs haven’t won a Stanley Cup in so long to a Bruins fan. It’s near impossible unless you have something to relate it to.
So this one goes out to Mr. Oberfrank. You were right.
Thirty-two cartoon characters that remind me of the MRFHL trade deadline.
Huey, Dewey & Louie: Anaheim, Winnipeg & Seattle
It felt fitting to lump these three together to start off. The grandnephews of the coin-counting Scrooge McDuck couldn’t translate their early momentum in DuckTales into a splash anywhere else. Despite spending the entirety of the deadline period firmly in the playoff picture, the Kraken, Jets and Ducks (unintended coincidence) opted to be non-contenders in the trade deadline market abstaining from making any moves. Honestly guys, I expected more.
Mr. Potato Head: Boston Bruins
The wisecracking, hot-headed spud who took an unexpected starring role in the Toy Story movies showed us that even when he’s completely falling apart, he still refuses to add any pieces. While the Bruins season has collapsed around them, the Boston team only opted to make a single move in the weeks leading up to the league-wide trade hault. Although Disney states that MPH speaks with a New York accent, I’d argue that he’s actually from Boston (he’s a potato after all, no doubt he has some family in Boston).
Woody: Buffalo Sabres
We’re sticking in the Toy Story universe for a moment by turning our attention to Woody, Andy’s beloved cowboy. Good ‘ol Woody has, was and always will be there. Although his pull string is cute, he’ll never be as flashy as Buzz. While the Sabres brought in Noah Juulsen and Ryan Graves as well as some futures, their moves just don’t pop. Check your boots Buffalo, keep an eye out for snakes.
Aladdin: Calgary Flames
The street rat that changed his fortune with three wishes, Aladdin made us all believe we too could be a diamond in the rough. Calgary made a trio of moves that included bringing in Andrei Svechnikov and Tyler Seguin, but while the streaking Flames look like a prince (11 wins in a row) there’s something that just doesn’t smell right. Might be Apu.
Mufasa: Carolina Hurricanes
The king of Pride Rock whose roar can be heard for miles; Mufasa is both powerful and wise. Carolina may have only made two moves but all the MRFHL heard their roar, bringing in MacKenzie Weegar, Trent Frederic, Vincent Trocheck and Alec Martinez. But you know what they say; the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Keep an eye on that shifty little brother, Canes.
Donald Duck: Chicago Blackhawks
Known best for his fits of quacking and squawking, Donald’s one of those characters that if it wasn’t for bad luck, he’d have no luck at all. Chicago was without a doubt the loudest in the weeks leading up to the deadline making sure all knew exactly who was on the block, but despite all their bluster the Blackhawks were still unable to move Chris Tanev. Ahhh phooey.
Quasimodo: Colorado Avalanche
"Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Who is this creature?" Although hidden away for most of his life, the unexpectedly strong and agile Quasimodo swooped in like a hero in the knick of time saving the love of his life. With less than 24 hours until the trade door closed Colorado had yet to make a move, but like everyone’s favourite hunch back the Avs swung into action to make a splash. However if the Stanley Cup is Esmeralda in this scenariom, Colorado would be wise to remember that she just doesn’t love you, bro.
Winnie the Pooh: Columbus Blue Jackets
Christopher Robin's favourite toy and the undeniable holding Hundred Acre Wood together, Winnie is a gentle character with a very passive demeanor. Perhaps Columbus forgot — or maybe they just preferred to sit in their living room with their hand deep in the hunny jar — but either way the Blue Jackets let the deadline slip away without a single move. Ohhh bother.
Tarzan: Dallas Stars
Brave, honourable and loyal. Raised by gorillas, Tarzan is a playful and fun-loving adult while still embodying the innocence of a child — all too often leaping before looking. Like several other western conference counterparts, Dallas waited until the last day to spring into action selling Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Jacob Trouba and Tyler Seguin in a flurry of moves. But was it perhaps a little too hasty? Tarzan yell.
Robin Hood: Detroit Red Wings
A the people’s hero, Robin Hood is known best for stealing from the rich, giving to the poor and enraging law enforcement in the process. With 12 moves over the deadline period, Detroit was certainly the most active. The Wings acquired picks and traded picks, bought players and sold players, got rich and gave their riches away. Were they as cunning as a fox? I guess time will only tell.
Piglet: Edmonton Oilers
"It’s awfully hard to be b-b-b-b-brave when you’re such a small animal." The cutest of all Hundred Acre Wood’s inhabitants, Piglet deals with crippling anxiety and is often seen cowering in fear at even the most tamest of moments. Edmonton spent the deadline playing it safe, dealing what little value they had and acquiring timid futures. D-d-d-d-don’t worry Edmonton, you’ll be big and strong one day.
Buzz Lightyear: Florida Panthers
A space ranger under the authority of Star Command, the “by the book” Buzz Lightyear is the new flashy toy that catches the attention of Andy — along with the whole toy box — with more gadgets than a swiss army knife. Using laser-like precision the league leading Florida Panthers targeted key additions during the deadline period including Jamie Oleksiak, Luke Kunin and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. Could it be enough for a deep playoff run and a Stanley Cup? To infinity, and beyond!
Taz: Los Angeles Kings
The rash Looney Tune certainly knows how to make an entrance, exploding onto cartoons in a ‘Tasmanian Tornado,’ either devouring or destroying everything in its path. Driven by his insatiable appetite, the Tasmanian Devil isn’t exactly praised for his calm, well thought out, rational demeanour. The Kings burst onto the floor hours before the deadline flooding the market with a plethora of draft picks and in a trade tornado made seven trades — essentially building a whole new team. Taz hungry!
Baloo: Minnesota Wild
The laid-back, easygoing Baloo is the life of the party who chooses to concern himself more with lounging, than any of the stress that responsibility brings. Much like his cartoon counterpart, Minnesota spent the deadline focusing on only the bare necessities, stripping the team down to its bones. But when examining what the Wild got back in return, perhaps they should’ve been a little less Baloo and a little more King Louie in an effort to be the king of the swingers (oh, the jungle VIP).
Jiminy Cricket: Montreal Canadiens
Famously known as a level-headed, wise figure, Jiminy’s sage advice leads to him being appointed as Pinnochio’s conscience in hopes of leading his wooden compatriot down a righteous path. Although Montreal may have seemed cricket-sized when it came to the amount of deals made during the deadline, their level-headed approach brought back a litany of picks and prospects in return. Now all Montreal can do is wish upon a star to be in a different position next year.
Genie: Nashville Predators
Although a little chaotic, the Genie is known for being benevolent, easygoing and friendly; so much so he often uses his ability as a source of amusement for himself and his friends. Nashville spent the deadline granting three wishes to the MRFHL sending Mattias Ekholm, Lars Eller, as well as Kyle Palmieri and T.J. Oshie out of town in a trio of moves. All we can do is hope that one day Nashville will have the chance to be its own master (ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck).
Casper: New Jersey Devils
Alright, this one shouldn’t even need an explanation. Casper’s dead, he’s a ghost, he’s not really there. You can’t even see him most of the time. He’s an echo of a boy that died of pneumonia. In like fashion, the New Jersey Devils are a ghost of a general manager who is no longer with us. An empty shell of an absolute disaster of a team that has no presence, no picks and no future. May they rest in peace.
Mad Hatter: New York Islanders
Loud, eccentric and insane, the Mad Hatter stands out from the rest of Wonderland’s residents with a bi-polar nature that sees the top-hatted teetotaller see-saw between mild-mannered and bizarre. Enter the New York Islanders who kicked off the deadline period as buyers acquiring Peyton Krebs, Ryan Strome, Gustav Forsling and Nick Roy only to turn around and become sellers sending out Mika Zibanejad, Teddy Blueger, Derek Ryan and the just-acquired Ryan Strome. If you can’t make sense of it, don’t worry, you’re not alone but at least Long Island can throw an unplayoff party.
Timon & Pumba: Pittsburgh Penguins & New York Rangers
The Pride Lands oddcouple wander the jungle singing songs, slurping slugs, living their life not bothering anyone. In the MRFHL, both the Penguins and Rangers maneuvered the deadline in a very devil-may-care way; making a single move each, not creating any big waves, and at 69 points each, neither team looks to make the playoffs and nor are they bottoming out either, they’re just kinda cruising — and as long as they keep living this Hakuna Matata philosophy, we’ll have no worries for the rest of our days.
Peter Pan: Ottawa Senators
Loved and respected by nearly every inhabitant of Never Land, the undisputed leader of the Lost Boys is an even balance of youthful exuberance and immaturity — choosing to never grow up. The Senators entered the deadline having already given up on taking the next step, choosing instead to declare themselves sellers. It really feels like someone in that front office is failing to realize they're five points inside the playoff picture. Come on, Peter, use your head, it’s time to grow up, lead the Lost Boys home.
Chip & Dale: Washington Capitals & Philadelphia Flyers
The chipmunk chums are even parts curious and adventurous. Chip and Dale are very much two sides of the same coin, the former being the more careful and the ladder more careless. Both Washington and Philadelphia loudly declared that they're kicking off a rebuild as we headed into the deadline, offering most of their roster in return for picks and prospects. However as the dust settled it was Washington who was the more shrewd of the two, while Philadelphia went full berserker blasting five regular contributors into space — and bringing on a boat-anchor in Logan Couture.
Tigger: San Jose Sharks
"The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things." The bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy member of the Hundred Acre Wood community never goes unnoticed with an overly-energetic personality. San Jose spent the deadline wheeling and dealing, shipping six players out and never-not being in a trade conversation. The most interesting of all the deals made could be the Sharks arrangement that continues to grow the further the Hurricanes extend into the playoffs. T-I-Double-Guh-Er.
Hercules: St. Louis Blues
Fearless and proud, the Mount Olympus born demigod is every-bit brave as he is muscular — but how can you not carry a level of bravity when your father is Zeus? The St. Louis Blues sit atop the conference and add Joel Kiviranta, Alex Vlasic and Nick Foligno through the deadline in hopes of rounding out their depth in a push to the Stanley Cup Finals. But a real hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but the strength of his heart — so we’ll see if they have what it takes.
Goofy: Tampa Bay Lightning
The affable dog definitely brings comedic relief to the friend group that also includes Mickey, Donald and Pluto. Easily confused and often clumsy, Goofy finds even the simplest tasks challenging. Despite spending most of the season inside the Eastern Conference playoff picture, Tampa made perhaps the most head-scratching of moves when they first acquired and then dealt Mika Zibanejad only seven hours later. Gawrsh!
Dumbo: Toronto Maple Leafs
Innocent, fun-loving and naive, Dumbo has the personality of a small child. Often teased for his big ears, Dumbo silences the haters when he learns to fly. The Maple Leafs at one point lead the MRFHL during the season, but after a couple key injuries management entered the deadline wanting to add support both up front and on the blue line. Shocking the league, Toronto pulled the trigger on a blockbuster deal that sent league-leading goal scorer Sam Reinhart to Vancouver for a package that included Jesper Bratt. Sure their roster might look silly now, but just wait til you see them fly.
Eeyore: Utah Hockey Club
Eeyore’s depressed, right? He’s best known for saying “thanks for noticing me.” That’s heartbreaking. I’m not the only one that got worried whenever we saw the donkey sitting alone with slumped shoulders on the edge of that cliff. The Utah Hockey Club didn’t make a single deal throughout the deadline period and haven’t been heard from since dealing Jason Robertson in October — if anything screams ‘I’ve given up on life’ it’s dealing Robertson. It might be time for an activity check from Utah, just to make sure they’re doin’ okay.
King Triton: Vancouver Canucks
The sea-king and ruler of Atlantica and its many merpeople, Triton is known to be as fair as he is powerful. Respected by the entirety of the creatures in the sea. Vancouver might not speak often (in a trade sense) but when they do, we listen. In a series of deals the Canucks brought in Mattias Ekholm, Jarred McCann, Teddy Blueger, Alex Pietrangelo, Sam Reinhart and Jacob Trouba. Hopefully for the seaside team, there’s enough juice in that mighty trident for a championship run.
Simba: Vegas Golden Knights
Adventurous and inquisitive, Simba greets obstacles with a roar — which hilariously comes out more like a kitten’s growl from a head that looks far too big for his little body. Vegas has been hovering around the Western Conference playoff picture all year and while they opted to be buyers at the deadline — bringing in Joey Anderson and Colton Sissons — their roar felt a little bit more like a growl. I get it, you just can’t wait to be king, but I’m sorry it won’t be this year, Vegas.
I read this yesterday....and I'm still laughing. Great read!!
Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
Recapping the trade deadline with 32 cartoon characters
World's most ethical bandit? Hell yeah I'll take that
Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
Recapping the trade deadline with 32 cartoon characters
Great read!
Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
Recapping the trade deadline with 32 cartoon characters
Brilliant read and assessment of the Islanders GM. Guy's off his rocker! :P
Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
Recapping the trade deadline with 32 cartoon characters
Clay this is genuinely one of the best articles i've seen in fantasy hockey (and better than quite a few official hockey website articles i've read). This rules!
Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
Recapping the trade deadline with 32 cartoon characters
This rocks. So good!
Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
Recapping the trade deadline with 32 cartoon characters
1. hell yeah this is one of if not the coolest article I've ever read on here. 2. fuck you piglet is awesome
Trade Deadline: MRFHL Cartoon Counterparts
Recapping the trade deadline with 32 cartoon characters